


I Miss Our Past (But I Don't Miss You)

by nicotinewrites



Series: My Brother [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: And it Will happen, BAMF Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, BAMF Deceit | Janus Sanders, By the end of this series if not this installment, Deaf Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gay Disaster Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Janus is Savage, M/M, Marisol is going to be Adopted, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Quoigender Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders, Sympathetic Sides, The Gay Gang is trying to get LAMP together, Trans Deceit | Janus Sanders, Virgil Gains A Sister, When Virgil stops being an Oblivious Gay, abusive parenting, shitty parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicotinewrites/pseuds/nicotinewrites
Summary: The meeting with Anton, and everything that happened afterwards
Relationships: Antagonist | Anton Sanders & Virgil Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Marisol Gonzales-Kaperwick (OC) & Janus & Virgil, Platonic LAMP, Pre Romantic LAMP, The Gay Gang
Series: My Brother [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798528
Kudos: 28





	I Miss Our Past (But I Don't Miss You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> So, this is numero quatro of the My Brother series. I'm planning five or so more installments of the main storyline, and then extras. The next one should be the first extra.  
> Trigger warnings:  
> Shitty Parenting;  
> Cheating Mention;  
> Hinted Abusive Parenting;  
> Slurs (Anton's a wanker);  
> Past Parent Death;  
> Past Sibling Death;  
> Swearing (a given);  
> Food.  
> That's it I think. If I've missed any, please let me know.  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash xx

_I miss you, I miss you so far_

Virgil got the letter a week ago, and agreed to meet up with Anton. Janus decided to go with him, promising he’d be on his best behaviour. Since he decided to wear his I-Will-Fuck-You-UpTM clothes, Virgil didn’t know how much he trusted that promise. Either way, he wanted his brother by his side, and it was nice that someone was willing to commit grievous bodily harm for him (though he’d never admit it. No point in encouraging the Gay GangTM).

Jay’s fingers tapped against the steering wheel as a Palaye Royale song played in the background, the bassline vibrating through the hand Virgil had placed on the speaker. The two didn’t speak, car rides not being deaf-friendly. Still, Janus’s body language told Virgil as much as an actual conversation would. It was nice to know he had someone there for him, through thick and thin.

The tapping stopped as Jay pulled into Casie’s Diner, shutting the music off.

“You’ve got this Virge. I’ll be right there with you, and if you want me to beat his face in I will. You distract Ari and I’ll take him in the car park.”

Virgil laughed as Janus signed, the two finding that was much easier than speaking, for both boys. He always found it funny when Jay messed up his grammar and the sentence became something he didn’t want to say.

“Dude, you basically just said you wanted to fuck Anton. Pretty sure Marico wouldn’t like that.”

Jay rolled his eyes before getting out of the car.

“You wouldn’t believe the shit that guy is into. I love him, but he’s mad.”

Virgil got out of the car and laughed again. He didn’t dignify Jay with a response since he was too busy pulling on the cuffs of his hoodie. Jay made him it so he would no longer pull the skin off his fingers when anxious. He walked up to Casie’s Diner and opened the bright red door, the faint ringing of a bell being heard in the background. He didn’t notice it though, only seeing Anton, and that small baby. Marisol.

Jay gently placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder and squeezed, before grabbing his hand and pulling him to the booth.

“ _Hello … prince,”_ Anton said, greeting Virgil in Spanish. Virgil rolled his eyes and responded, taking a seat.

“ _Hello shithead. How are you today? Did you fuck any other whores whilst on your way here?”_

Anton glared at Virgil before pointing out Marisol.

_“I wouldn’t do that whilst she’s nearby. Besides, ……… me a better man.”_

_“That’s never stopped you before, and I doubt it’ll stop you again. And no-one could make you a better man. Your soul is too damned for that.”_

_“Don’t be like that, little prince.”_

_“Don’t be like what? A truth-teller? Because that’s what I am. You left Rae and I when we were young. You went to visit Mama when we were with Tia and proceeded to invite three women into the spare room to fuck. You weren’t even divorced and was wearing the fucking ring, you bastard. And that’s not even the half of it. You blamed me for lupita’s death, but it was no-one’s fault. You picked this place because you hoped it would break me and said it was my fault for you leaving because I’m deaf. You blamed me for our money troubles, but we all know it was you spending the money on drugs, prostitutes and alcohol. You ruined Mama’s life, and now you have the guts- the fucking guts- to try and waltz back into our lives? I won’t let it happen, you dickface.”_

_“That’s no ……… to your father, b-”_

_“You are not my father. You are just a sperm donor. My mama has done better raising me than you could dream to. And her fiancée, he’s my Pops. Not you.”_

_“That fat dickhead is not your father. I’m ………fucked your mother, not him. I am the one who ………… less of a pussy. I … the one who tried to mould you into a stronger …. That sissy is nothing more than an … for a man. He’s a fag, and he’ll make a fag outta you.”_

Virgil could feel Janus literally vibrate next to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Janus gave him a look and Virgil nodded. He removed his hand and smirked.

_“That man is … dad. He’s Virgil’s dad too. He is kind and loving and as gross as I find it, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to Dot. He’s the one who was there when Virge tried to kill himself. He’s the …… learnt Spanish and as many signs as possible so he could talk to him when it wasn’t an English day. He’s the one who taught Virge how to cook and speak French. He’s the one who taught Virgil how to play American Football, because you never stuck around long ………. So many nights had our Pops been there for him, whilst you were probably fucking your way around every state in this country. You’re a motherfucking cunt, and I hope you know that there’s a special place in Hell just for you. Oh and spoiler alert, Virge is gayer than a fucking rainbow, you homophobic twat.”_

Virgil’s smirk grew louder the longer Jay spoke. Those Spanish lessons really paid off.

_“Oh and, Anton? We’ll be taking Marisol. Ms Kaperwick said we could. She also … she wants a divorce.”_

_It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun_

Janus had never had a younger sibling before Virge, but he realised now why his brother got that soft look in his eye whenever he talked about Phaedra, or when Lo talked about Thomas and Re talked about Roman.

He had only known Ari for an hour but already he’d happily die for her.

After the disaster (Janus thought it went pretty well, since Anton was still alive) in the Diner, Anton fucked off to who-knows-where. Janus decided to take Marisol and his brother to a little café his maman found before she died. They had the best ice-cream and was right next to this park he loved as a little girl (something he’d yet to tell Virgil, or even Remus for that matter). Even after maman passed away, he found himself going to the café often. Something always called him back there, like maman’s spirit was leading him to it.

“So, this is where you go every Saturday with Remus? It’s cute.”

“Who’s Wee-Mus? Is that your dog? I’ve always wanted a dog, but Papa said I couldn’t have one cos I’m nots worthy. Mom always yelled at him whenever he said that. I thinks she likes dogs lots.”

Janus shared a look with his brother. It was official. Anton was going to fucking die.

“No, Remus isn’t my dog. He’s my… my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? Like a friend who’s a boy?”

Janus chuckled.

“No honey. Like… You know what husbands and wives are yeah?”

Ari nodded.

“Right. Well sometimes, people want a husband but they’re a man too, or they may want a wife but they’re also a woman. And sometimes, people don’t want one at all, or don’t see themself as a husband slash wife, but a neutral version. A boyfriend- the neutral term is datemate- is a step down from that, like before they get married.”

“Awww! Are you an’ Wee-mus going to get married? Can I be your flower girl? Oh! An’ Virgey can be yours brise-maid. That sounds fun!”

Janus smirked at Virgil. The thought of anyone other than Roman being his bridesmaid made him laugh, but he had a feeling that Virgil would happily beat them up if they dared challenge his legitimacy of becoming a bridesmaid.

“Yeah, I get the feeling Princey would be angry if they weren’t the bridesmaid, but I’ll find a way.”

“You can has more than one bridesmaid! My mom had five when she got married. I was named after one of them. Papa didn’t like it when mom did that, but she said it was a way of we-memb-er-in someone who died. Did you know her?”

Janus watched Virge as his mood visibly dropped. It had been a few years since she died, but sometimes Rae’s death was a harder thing to make peace with. He knew exactly what that was like, since even though his maman died when he was eight, which was almost ten years ago now, Janus still had days when he woke up and thought she was alive.

“They were quite close, but I don’t think he wants to talk about that today. How’s your ice-cream?”

“It tastes good! It’s the best I’ve ever eat! It has trawberry and rasbery and its pink and pretty and nice and yeah. I likes it lots.”

Ari’s voice faded into the background as he watched Virgil get up.

“I’m alright,” he signed. “I just need to clear my head. You stay with Ari. I’ll meet you at the park, ok?”

“Usual place?”

Virgil nodded, before finger-saluting and walking down the stairs of the café and exiting onto the streets.

“Mister Janice Sir? Everything good?”

“It’s Janus, hon. And yeah, I’m fine. Just worried about our brother.”

“Was it me? Papa says I should shut up sometimes because I says stoo-pid things an’ no-one likes stoo-pids.”

“Well, I think your Papa is a” he tried to find a kid-appropriate word for cunt “meanie. Don’t listen to him. And don’t worry about Virge. He has a lot going on, and sometimes he has to leave so he can think about it. Keep eating your ice-cream and then we can meet him at the park, yeah?”

“Okie! I likes you Janny! You’re nice.”

“I like you too Ari.”

Yep, he’d definitely die for her.

_I won't stop dying, won't stop lying  
If you want I'll keep on crying_

Virgil was tuckered out. He needed sleep, but knew that Janus would want to talk to him about everything. He didn’t, however, expect the rest of the Gay Gang (apart from Emile, Kai, Corbin and Sloane) to be in his room.

“What’s going on?”

“We need to talk. Apparently you have an adorable little sister you didn’t tell us about? I mean, I’m ………… group. Adopting … is my thing. Even if they’re a …….”

Virgil chuckled lightly.

“I only just found out a few months ago. Anton… My sperm donor, and I have been writing letters and I finally convinced him to let me see her. She really is adorable. You’d love her Pop-Star.”

“……? You gave … a Dad-themed nickname?! Virgil, ……!”

The next thing he knows, Patton has his arms wrapped around him and was practically squishing him.

“Jay, a little help?”

Jay nodded before picking Patton back up and letting Virgil get settled on his bed. Then he put Patton back on his lap and Virgil instinctively wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Well, as much as I’d …… stay and chat, Remus and I … something to talk about and Elliot and loulou need to … home, don’t you?”

Remy gave Jay a look before nodding, gently nudging Elliot.

“Yeah……. Alright bitches. See you later.”

Elliot waved, following the sassy girl and Virgil wanted to glare at his brother. He was a traitor, leaving him alone in a room with his three crushes. Fucking motherfucker.

“Virge, you ok?”

Virgil nodded, refocusing on Patton. He had moved whilst Virgil zoned out, sitting so he was practically straddling him, hands looped around his shoulders.

“Alright. What ……… wanna watch? Remus says you have a huge DVD collection so can I have a look?”

Virgil nodded again- damnit dude. Speak for fucks sake- and immediately missed Patton’s warmth when he got up from him lap. He was quickly distracted though, Roman wrapping themself around him from the back. Lo, not one for much contact, entangled their fingers in his and laid his head on Roman’s shoulder. Virgil didn’t know what to do and just sat there, the gay panic all he could hear.

Yeah, he was definitely killing Janus once the night was over.

**Author's Note:**

> The LAMP is appearing my lovelies, and I am so excited.


End file.
